Why is it that when we are having a tough time our mind reverts back to its old ways and all the negative feelings about one’s body can come back like a tsunami of self-hatred? I recently was experiencing a period where I felt like my boundaries were being crossed and this began to erode my sense of safety in the world, which is probably somewhat tenuous to begin with. With a sense of a lack of safety also comes such terrible thoughts about my body and about who I am in the world. About how I am never good enough to others and definitely never good enough to myself. It’s not a fun place to be and sometimes it can be a hard place to work myself out of. But I think that is part of this journey.
There probably won’t come a day where I will be completely free of self-hatred and body-hatred, but as I practice loving myself the distance from there, self-hatred and body-hatred, to self-love and body-love gets shorter and shorter. And in a way this is comforting –
loving your body doesn’t have a new perfection to achieve. It’s a practice, like my yoga practice. It’s a process. It’s a verb – BODY-LOVING!
And amazingly on that same day I did this.
Sometimes this whole wearing a bikini thing can feel like a way of taking my power back. Of me getting to create and choose my own safety. Because I am going to do whatever I want. If you did whatever you wanted, what would it be? I’d love to hear about it, or even better see it!